hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
