I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
