My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
PANTIES FOUND
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