what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
