lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
