you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
