forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Randomize
