You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
