Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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