Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
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