This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
