I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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