sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
