Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Randomize
