EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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