Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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