She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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