and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Randomize
