He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
