He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
