I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize
