pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
handjob tips. give me some.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
