The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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