Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
