So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
