She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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