i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
