my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
