every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
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