I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Randomize
