dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
