new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Randomize
