i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize