Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
