Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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