you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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