I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
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