I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
