Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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