I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Randomize
