So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
