You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
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