If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
