its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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