I'm really into asian looking animals
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
