Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
