First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
