3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
tell your sister to shave her snatch
i just made my gag reflex go away.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
