theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
