We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
