Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
