Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
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