Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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