Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Dick very happy bro
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
