Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
