So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize
