my vag is so smooth its legendary
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
