youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
