The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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