i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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