I cannot find my penis.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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