He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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