maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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