people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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