girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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