We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
