Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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