maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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