Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
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He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
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His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
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