Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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