the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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