It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
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