So drunk its hurt
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Randomize
