Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...