he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Randomize
