Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
