i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
The air taste purple.
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