birth control should be required to get into college
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
