the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
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