Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
