She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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