Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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