Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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