Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
