Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
